I am in a funny place today; a sixty minutes spinning class and four lengths of a cold pool didn't improve me. Hey ho.
Firstly, I must start with an apology to all that took offence to my last blog, as it would appear to trivialise (not sure it does) the predicament many of you caught in because of the lockdown. I wish at no point to make fun of anyone trapped in their home or suffering the effects of the virus either directly or indirectly. I do feel a sense of unease escaping the UK currently. I also feel a sense of unease for leaving Featherstone aged 19 and never returning to play for my beloved Rovers. The same goes for quitting Harlequins -Lambo walked out and made the sports headlines -, I quit teaching on one months (head agreed) notice, I walked out of Lamberts Surveyors, my own company, with all my stuff in a bin liner, I walked away from my first marriage and on many occasions have simply made a U turn and left. I flew here in December, away from the anxiety creating situations as I perceived them. I even ran away from Sheila once and hid in a tree for three hours feeling overwhelmed.
Anyone that knows me well will be fully aware I am capable of a U-turn and taking flight in the opposite direction. Those same folks will also know I will fight forever to prove my innocence if falsely accused. On these matters Colin and Lambo speak as one. Fight or flight is ever present and I make no apology for escaping the UK. The autumn was a difficult period as documented in my earlier posts. The next five weeks will be challenging; one year ago this week, Sheila and I watched Arsenal v Leeds at the Emirates stadium; Cirque du Soleil at the Albert Hall, and South Bank for an Art exhibition. Just five weeks later… Sheila is never far from my thoughts and I am torn between embracing the weeks before her death or letting it go and moving forward.
Colin is the sensible one, the feminine side of our partnership. Lambo is either manic or depressed and there seems to be no middle ground. It was the depressed Lambo that arrived in the Elba Sarah Beach resort, Caleta de Fuste, Fuertoventura on 19th December 2020. He walked into town, had his first beer at noon and spent the first five days crying tears of relief – on three of the days he slept for 16 hours - mixed with a huge sadness of the year departing. By the arrival of the full moon on 29th December the Lunatic had stopped drinking, purchased a state-of-the-art mountain bike, cycled sixty miles, including one off road adventure where it took him three hours to travel five miles. His lasting memory being pushing the bike to the crest of the mountain, the end in sight; only to be greeted by a fall, into a steep valley, and another hour at least added to his adventure.
30th December 2020 should have been Lambo’s third wedding anniversary. After supper he deciding to drink again. He hears music from the almost deserted bar. “Large Baileys please, no ice” he very politely asks the bar lady. Boom-boom, comes from the speaker on terrace. “OK, play my music please” he quickly adds, “Si” she responds. Oh dear! This creates two problems; the first being the boom boom, at 72 beats per minute; The Verve, Bitter Sweet Symphony; "I'm a million different people from one day to the next, I can't change ..." shaking the walls, the second being Lambo dancing like the maniac he has just become. In his defense the entire terrace was deserted and it was outdoors, but pretending to not understand “abajo-abajo” (down-down), led to the waitress pulling the plug out and removing the lead. Then Pablo the duty manager arrived and said, “musica incredible pero bailar no esta permitido en Espania”. (music incredible but dance no is allowed in Spain). I told Lambo I was done with his antics and went to bed to … Colin is apparently learning Spanish; he thinks he is clever. After ordering another large Baileys Lambo joined three Germans who thought his antics were funny, but they didn’t like the boom boom stuff. Two of them formed a couple but neither spoke English. The third was Harold, but he had just legged it to the front of the hotel, the bit where taxi’s stop. I am so pleased I gave up smoking, OK I have a vape habit, but my new shiny Blu kit is the size of my index finger and has no smoke. In theory I could use it unnoticed almost anywhere. Harold returns, his voice is deep, he is clearly a heavy smoker as he says, “I thought you were very funny with your dancing, please tell me what is your name”. “Lambo” I reply. He coughs, clears his throat, and laughs deeply, all at the same time. He responds, whilst almost choking, “that's a stupid name, its not your real name, tell me your real name?”
One day later, New Years Eve, Lambo received a formal warning (police next time) for dancing around his chair as the band, a real one, played Live & Let Die. Two days later, also two days after the full moon, Lambo apparently (he claims to have no recollection) stole a stuffed animal from Harold’s plate during dinner. Three days later he became Harold’s driver after he hired a car and forgot his license.
Oh dear …
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