My wife -Sheila Mary Gibbons - died one year ago today, at 12 noon precisely. It has been a difficult few weeks and months.
After caring for my sister Mandy, during her final months, I thought I was prepared to face death. I was wrong. Clearing Sheilas possessions, last autumn, brought anxiety, panic and pain. “what do I give away, throw or keep?” I constantly asked myself. Diaries -she kept lots- were the most difficult. One afternoon I found an old notebook, just scribbles and aimed it at the bin, I missed… I am currently in Playitas sports resort Fuertoventura, trying to get fit. It’s an Olympic training center so feel very blessed in these difficult times. ‘Free your mind’ is everywhere; on buildings, banners, boards, T shirts, MAMIL [Middle Aged Men In Lycra] attire, towels and even my room key. I am trying …
Free your mind, what does it mean?
‘Mental freedom from our thoughts and feelings that dog us is a valuable skill to develop. Nothing is as wonderful and liberating as the ability to set the mind free and knowing that there is no longer any excuses for the mind to become dominated with unhappiness’ [WikiHow.com].
Freedom is not an easy road, it’s a road less traveled by the majority of the population; who fear the challenges that come with such a journey.
Sheila went on that journey from an early age. It was also a journey I knew little about, her funeral skimmed over her early years and started in her twenties. It was an amazing journey, I was blessed an honored to share her story. However, those elusive early years remained a mystery. Until… A scruffy notebook missed the bin and fell open at the back. This is what I found… Free your Mind in Sheila’s own words.
'I spent the first 30 years of my life working, working, working.
My school years were quite uneventful and they passed with little encouragement or incentive to do anything other than attend. Fortunately in 1966 when I was 12 I had to change schools as the local all-ages catholic one closed its upper school in favour of a new bi-lateral school 15 miles away with an enormous catchment area. The numbers for year 2 were so small it was decided to merge us with year 1 and do a year of streaming work. For the first time in my life, I found I enjoyed learning and being competitive. I found out I was really good at maths and science, less so in languages.
I was sickly with asthma so sports were a challenge especially cross country so I got an exemption. I was allergic to so many things it was a wonder I didn’t live in a bubble. I learnt how to cook, sew and clean. My father was a chief and Nan baked cakes and pies and rhubarb crumble for the whole family. My favourite was meat and potato pie closely followed by baked beans or mushrooms on toast and cheese sandwiches. My dad used to grow things and I loved helping, leaving the table early and skipping over the fence to pick mushrooms before school.
Sadly when I told my careers’ master I wanted to work for IBM as a programmer so needed to do technical drawing as all jobs except punch operator needed this, I was told not it is a boys subject!! There was no appeal process or parent interested in fighting my corner so my only career hope was dashed.
My mum was a shorthand secretary and felt I should follow in her steps getting a job with the local council, a job for life. 4 O’levels and a GCSE in French. Chemistry and Maths teachers encouraging I did A’levels but no, mum had sorted me a job as an office junior in a town clerk’s department. I failed English Language though so got four more months at school doing just one subject, so the first of my commercial skills showed up. I ran the 5th form common room buying in tea/coffee/chocolate and snacks – sold at cost but the buying/selling bug got implanted.
January came and I started working and doing shorthand and typing at night school. I was very conscientious and thorough, so responsibilities came.
We are now entering the time of ready meals and Vesta curries became a Saturday night special with my boyfriend. There was a health food shop which had a funny smell so I didn’t go in often. I was quite happy with the cafe next door with its jacket potatoes and toasted sandwiches and chips.
I worked my way up and steadily gained more responsibility. By 20 I was getting married but by 22 I was getting divorced. Only now did I recognize I was taking on being the rescuer and was finding an escape route from home.
I was being tossed and turned by what others wanted me to be. I didn’t have a sense of who I was or what was for my best. I escaped.'
Sheila continued to escape -she freed her mind - leaving her marriage in her early 40’s and embarking on a spiritual journey to the Bahamas, followed by India, Montreal, Portugal, India again, Findhorn -Scotland- and finally meeting Colin & Lambo. She embraced both sides of my personality and respected me on all levels. I returned from a dash to my parents - my dad's 90th birthday- end of January 2020 - Sheila sat with her sisters and friends. She looked at me, smiled, and said, “I feel truly loved for the first time in my life, thank you”. Those words were the most beautiful I have ever heard. I take great strength from them.
The final days with Sheila were magical on many levels, we played quiz games; if the answer was no, she bit my finger; open mouth, finger - with trepidation - in. No bite meant yes. I asked her if I could sail around Britain with her ashes – ouch! We had one magical afternoon, me trying to put socks on her cold feet, she just kept moving her legs. I nicknamed her starfish as she took over the bed with her antics. Feeding her juice through a big syringe whilst cradling her, like a baby, was very special. I am crying typing.
Sheila did free her mind and escaped.
Would you like to escape?
Free your mind, is all it takes.
Sheila is still about, weaving her magic - who else could have made the notepad miss the bin? - and keeping a watchful eye on me.
Om
Moving
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