My Story 21 : Covid: House parties in Scarborough reported 'every night'

 

BBC news: 28^th January 2021

Thank you so much to my son Christopher. He has been an inspiration, and true motivator over the past fourteen months. Please be patient:

Motivational theory can be viewed from many perspectives. Search the net and Abraham Maslow – an old favourite of mine – fills the screen but doesn’t address where I am going. Chris’s needs, in Maslow speak; we not only met, they were exceeded to the point of him becoming a spoilt brat. He scraped just enough GCSE’s to do A levels at KEVICC’s (King Edward VI Community College) Totnes, Devon. He grew his hair, had his face pierced a dozen times, played the drums-on stage at the Dartmouth music festival – and failed all his exams. A term later we rented a one bed flat for him in Totnes, so he could fail his A levels again. My only memory from that period is a phone call from Chris late one night, “Dad, dad, what’s every man’s ultimate fantasy,” he excitedly asked. “Well for me it was a long and successful England rugby career” I replied. “No dad come on, what is every mans fantasy,” he bellowed. It did occur to me he was ‘high’ on something, adrenaline or endorphins perhaps.  “I don’t know, maybe having a night of wild rampant sex with two woman at the same time” I replied. “Yes, yes, yes” he screamed and put the phone down. Another term later, he was home working as a kitchen porter in a variety of restaurants as he seemed to get the sack easily. Torquay Tech, for one last attempt at a single A level; Psychology.

I looked at the syllabus:

Social Psychology focuses on the social interactions people have with each other. We function fully as people in the company of, and with the help of others. Amongst other issues, this course explains why we conform and why we are likely to obey authority figures. Cognitive Psychology looks at how we perceive and interpret the world around us. Cognitive psychologists are interested in ‘thinking’ and are therefore concerned with internal mental processes, and how those processes are involved in the development of behaviors such as perception and intelligence. One of the most important topics is memory. Developmental Psychology considers how people develop and change from before they are born, throughout their lives. At A Level, the focus is on the development of an infant’s attachment to a primary care giver, and the problems that occur when this does not happen.

‘The problems that occur when this doesn’t happen’, struck a chord. Oh dear, Kerry and I put Chris into the Polytechnic of North London crèche aged three months followed by a succession of 21 nannies and then proceeded to move house six times in his formative years. No wonder the poor lad was angry and confused.

Psychology A level, grade C, was his reward from a year of living at home, (seeing his dad snort coke, for the first time aged 50, until his mum ushered him away, supplied by a man called Jeff, an old mate, who I had employed and sacked; who  was secretly bonking [an almost exclusively mans word for you know what] his mum  is quite psychological, which may have helped), and he was further rewarded with a place on a foundation course, (Music Technology) at the Scarborough campus of Hull University.

The following Xmas, Kerry and I flew to Moi, Hawaii, to study Tantric sex, as you do. The Tantra is for later but sitting on the cliff top, 26c, watching surfers riding some of the Worlds biggest waves [check out the opening scenes to James Bond, Die another day] was unreal. On arrival at Heathrow the phone rang. It was my Dad who broke the news, “Colin, Chris is not in a good place, he has been suffering dreadful panic attacks and – your mum and I were unable to help – he has just arrived back in Scarborough after two weeks with Kerry’s mum in London”. Oh dear, panic attacks are not nice, as I know only too well.

We arrive in Scarborough six hours later, seriously jet-lagged but high on adrenalin and check into the Grand Hotel, which was not grand at all. It was more of a Victorian doss house with many long-term residents, the smell of stale beer and wee ever present .We do get a sea view and balcony through half open and very drafty sash windows and doors. It was bloody freezing (-1c) with frost on the balcony as I opened the curtains. I rubbed my eyes in unreal disbelief – am I back in Moi - as the beach is alive with surfers riding the 'beasterly easterlies,' as they are known -big swell- waves. Tough lads up north me thinks.

Chris joins us for breakfast looking sad and lost. He then made me giggle. “Dad I can’t handle being in digs with a bunch of stupid kids, [having failed his A levels he is at least two years older than the rest]. They smoke weed all day, get pissed every night, do no work and just party. I hate Scarborough and wake in the night sweating and shaking. I don’t know what to do.” I didn’t remind him of his antics at the same age, I just gave him love.

Hang on a headline on BBC news yesterday (28^th January 2021) confirms Chris’s thought of Scarborough. I was there on my 18th birthday - Geography field trip, as you may remember! It is a Viking town - York lot come for the weekend - wild - if your sixteen to twenty-four - town. Scaby to Yorkshire lads. 

Meanwhile his sister Emily had just landed a place at Leeds University to do a masters. Chris then decides to apply to Leeds Met to do a BSc in Music Technology. To his – and my – surprise a place is offered on condition of a distinction in his foundation course.

As I was saying motivation comes in many forms. The following September Chris moved to Leeds and joined his sister. He was also about to meet his future wife in a Northern Soul club but that’s for later.

How are you motivated? Sport is an encyclopedia of motivational techniques. The one that worked best for me was being told I couldn’t do something or ‘you’re not good enough to do that’.

The last time I saw Chris (late 2019) we had lunch in Richmond, Slug and Lettuce on the river. Chris and Emily own 40% of my company – inheritance tax – and we talk property and finance. We met on the strict understanding I do not ask about my grandchildren, whom I have never seen, or his sister. He got cross when I asked if he had photo’s as I have never seen one either.

I could feel my anger rising but bit my lip. Instead, I said, “Chris I am writing my life story, in a blog, warts and all. Soon I will have 20,000 views, then, 30,000, then 40,000 and one day 50,000, at which point I will find a publisher and turn it into a book.” He looked at me shook his head from side to side and said, “Dad, dream on, you're delusional, you’re a joke”. Six weeks later I had 25,000 views. Nine weeks later – and some pretty explosive stuff about my family – I am arrested and spend ten hours in a police cell, just as I hit 30,000 views. My police officer interrogator – it is just like the movies – reads a statement from Chris. “My dad is a sick man, he is delusional, has threatened to stalk my children [stay calm Colin] and he needs to be in an institution”. A statement from my ex-wife Kerry said pretty much the same. Lambo then proceeded to deliver one of his finest forty minutes of advocacy (having knowledge of court protocol) ever. The duty lawyer was blown away and said so. Just before midnight I was a free man.

I was also a highly motivated man, one who had been told by his own son to, “Dream on, you're delusional, you’re a joke”, for thinking I could write a blog, get 50,000 views and then turn it into a book.

Wednesday 25^th January 2021, 1500h

Christopher I just can't thank you enough for giving your dad the motivation to prove you wrong and at  same time restoring my own self belief.   

It is of course only half-time. I now need a publisher”.

Om Chris: Game on.

 

Ps. I have a feeling the next few weeks will involve a lot of tears as the events of twelve months ago unfold. At times reaching 50,000 views has felt like a marathon; motivating myself to keep going, 100 days of no alcohol - September to December - was fantastic. I woke early, worked, wrote and alternated depending on the weather. I have learned a huge amount about myself in writing and reflecting.  A few weeks off are needed. Om.