April 1983; I am about to sit my final law exam [Surveyors & Lawyers sit almost the same exams in the early years] and have 104 cases to memorize for tomorrow; Snails in ginger beer (Donoghue v Stephenson 1932) lease or license (Street V Mountford 1985) and the rest. Home is 302 Liverpool Road, Islington. I am working as a trainee surveyor with Donaldsons, 70 Jermyn Street W1. My children; Christopher four months old and Emily now two. My daily routine involves four tube journeys -Highbury & Islington to Kings X then Piccadilly line to Green Park and back. Home by six pm, supper children bathed and bed. I climb the stairs to the attic and now my study with a packet of Silk Cut, the latest Men Only purchased from some top shelf and a joint. On the bed, next to my desk, sits an A4 folder divided into six sections each with eighteen or so cases to learn. A joint, I self-pleasure to relax and get the endorphins flowing followed by a fag. Fifteen minutes later I start revising. I join Kerry in bed around one am. The following morning Kerry tests me. We were both gobsmacked when I get 104 out of 104 right. I have used cannabis to study ever since and have never failed an exam!
Sheila, on the
other hand, will not mind me sharing her story as her friends have already had
a giggle. September 2016, we had been dating for nine months and I had just
prepared a batch of cannabis oil. Over lunch she decides to try it but having a
Spanish class in Yeovil, four hours later, I tell her to be very careful and
only take a rice grain. These were Sheila’s words; ‘half-way into my Spanish
class I suddenly felt hot and dizzy. I decided to leave for a while so informed
the teacher who nodded approval. As I tried to stand the room started to move,
I held onto my chair and asked the teacher to open the door so I could leave.
He complied and I made it into the hallway to recover. Five minutes later I
returned to the class but five another five minutes saw me trying to leave
again. I needed fresh air and water as my mouth was very dry [classic symptoms].
I made it outside and decided to drive home. Oh dear, I really did feel very odd
and now way could I drive. It then
dawned on me that I had ignored Colin’s instructions and had eaten half a teaspoon
full of the Oil. I call Colin but as I had his car there was nothing he could
do other than giggle and roll about in laughter. I called a cab and finally
made it home. I won’t make that mistake again’. She did make the mistake again but that’s for
later.
Dogs have even
less sense than humans.
Friday 2nd
August 2013, Sherborne Dorset.
My daughter
Emily, wife Anna and grandchildren Jack & Freya arrive for the weekend
along with Rigby - Emily names her pets after songs, Eleanor Rigby - their golden retriever. Lambo and Rigby are rolling about in
the garden knowing it’s going to be a difficult, family
shit stuff, weekend. Colin is instructed
to empty part of the freezer to store the newly arrive goodies including his
favourite ice cream, salted caramel. Out comes the inflatable shoulder ice
pack, the ice blocks for knee, Achilles and a bag of something smelly which
Colin puts’ on the compost heap.
Hemp, or
industrial hemp, is a variety of the Cannabis sativa plant species that is
grown specifically for industrial use. It can be used to make a wide range of
products. Along with bamboo, hemp is one of the fastest growing plants on
Earth. It was also one of the first plants to be spun into usable fibre 50,000
years ago. It can be refined into a
variety of commercial items, including paper, rope, textiles, clothing,
biodegradable plastics, paint, insulation, biofuel, food, and animal feed…
… Hemp has lower
concentrations of THC and may have higher concentrations of cannabidiol (CBD),
which decreases or eliminates its psychoactive effects. Cannabis is a plant population having
separate male and female plants, it forms part of the Dioecious family,…
… they are either Gynoecious
(female plants) or Androecious (male plants)…. … Androecious, plants produce pollen but no seeds, Gynoecious, plants producing female flowers
only, produces seeds but no pollen, the female of a dioecious population.
[Wikipedia]
Hemp is
predominantly the male cannabis plant, it produces pollen but no seeds. Many
industrial farmers go to great lengths to remove any females as they bugger-up
the crop. It is illegal-(as things stand)-to grow hemp in the UK. Female cannabis plants are (for simplicity
sake) of either Indica or Sativa strain. For Indica think India; temples,
meditation and chill. Take indica in the morning and your day is wasted. For
Sativa think South America; festivals dancing and party time. Take sativa at
night and (unless you're clubbing – or studying) your sleep is ruined. All
female plants; again simplified; contain THC and CBD in varying quantities. THC
is also called tetrahydrocannabinol, is the compound in cannabis that is
psychoactive and gives you the feeling of being high. CBD, short for
cannabidiol, is fantastic for pain relief and providing a general feeling of
wellness without the feeling of being high. It is used by England rugby players
and helped Holland & Barrett make record profits. Cannabis requires twelve
hours of darkness (GM products excluded) to induce the female plant to flower.
Once the buds appear, they produce a sticky, smelly, resin whose soul purpose is to attract pollen from the male
plant. As any grower will know, one rouge male plant can destroy an entire crop
(it goes to seed) so great care is needed. Nowadays it is possible to buy
female only seeds which solves this problem. The longer the female is starved
of pollen the bigger the buds will grow. The bigger the buds, the bigger the
yield. The plant is then harvested and dried. Indica cannabis can be up to 30%
THC, which is very different to Sativa which rarely exceeds 18%. Alcohol is
measured (ABV) on a scale that ranges between 0% (Alcohol free) to say 40% for
spirits. Cannabis is measured on a scale of percentage of THC. This ranges
between say 5% (some
CBD products contain this small amount) and 30% for medicinal grade-Indica - to
get totally stoned, for hours, depending upon the amount. Jack Herer is 17%
which is perfect for creative writing or learning Spanish unless you overdose!
There have been
no recorded deaths, worldwide, from the exclusive use of cannabis of any
strength. ‘Alcohol is associated with 2.8
million deaths each year worldwide’. [The Lancet].
All drug dealers
will sell you the strongest products available as they contain the most profit.
Same happened with Alcohol prohibition; no one made shandy or weak beer,
spirits were the norm. Skunk is just another name for 25% plus cannabis, in
strength, which is almost exclusively Indica and leaves you wasted. Most dealers, of cannabis, in the UK haven’t got the first clue what is in their product
other than its strong. A group of cross-party MPs (BBC News July 2019) who've
been on a fact-finding trip to Canada, predict the UK will fully legalise
cannabis use within five to ten years. The UK is the worlds biggest producer of
cannabis oil. Ninety-five tonnes of marijuana was produced in the UK in 2016
for medicinal and scientific use, accounting for 44.9 per cent of the world
total. The UK is also the largest exporter of the drug, with 2.1 tonnes
exported in 2016 – roughly
70%of the world’s total, the report stated. [The
Independent March 2018] The only frustrating bit is I held shares in G.W. Pharma, the producer, but sold them – at a quarter of the profit I could have made - to
fund my divorce.
Cannabis Oil has
now become the safe (cannabis was traditionally mixed with tobacco) and trusted
method to consume cannabis. How do you make cannabis oil from a bag of buds?
1. Wash the buds in warm water and leave to dry.
2. Place in the oven at 100c for one hour.
3. Grind into a dust and place in a jar
4. Cover in pharmaceutical grade (99,9%) ethanol. Shake and leave for
two hours. It’s the same stuff we now spray on our hands, watered down.
5. Poor the ethanol into a non-stick pan after draining through a, squeezed tight, cheesecloth.
6. Discard the residue well away from golden retrievers.
7. Heat the ethanol, which vaporises at 80c-but explodes if hotter or a
spark is nearby-until just the oil remains. BUT wear a mask, similar to Walter White [aka Mr Lambert in one episode of Breaking Bad] as the fumes are pure alcohol - half teaspoon will kill you - as many of you know from spraying on your hands for nine months.
8. Enjoy the oil.
Where was I? Oh
yes, my children came for the weekend. Friday evening went well.
Saturday starts
with a commotion, chaos and panic even; Rigby, the golden retriever, is lying
conscious, but paralysed on the kitchen floor. Kerry and Emily are trying to
find a vet open on a Saturday. Lambo lays next to Rigby, gives him a cuddle and
their eyes meet. Lambo is now in hysterics as he knows exactly where Rigby;-he
is a retriever after all;-has been and what is wrong. A short trip to the
compost heap confirms his suspicions but … No-one believes Lambo. Colin confirms Rigby is
indeed stoned and judging by the smile on his face just needs a warm corner to
chill for the day. Oh dear…
Rigby is rushed
to the local vets in Sherborne. Colin explains everything to the vet who
responds, “I have
seen many dogs fed cannabis and this is not one”. I try and explain that he has consumed,
possibly a month’s supply in one go. My daughter, my
wife and daughter-in-law tell me I am being ridiculous, and the dog is really
sick. Three hours later we are all in Taunton (again the vet dismissed me) as
poor old Rigby, he doesn’t seem to care, is sent to sleep,
his stomach cut open and an amount of “unknown vegetable matter”, the vet’s
words, were removed from his belly at a cost of £2,500, most of which I paid for. My marriage to
Kerry, and my relationship with Emily my daughter, was about to implode.
Maybe, in
retrospect, I should be thanking Rigby for helping bring forward the end of my
marriage.
“Om Rigby”.
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