Breaking News - Lambo Arrested - Royal Albert Hall - Kingston Police Station - Hyatt Park Hotel Heathrow.
2100hr. Friday 15th December 2023: Hyatt Place Hotel, Heathrow
London England. Lambo is watching planes
take off after supper. Pint of Moretti beer: £8.50, Pizza, Salad £16.60.
2100hr, Thursday 14th December 2023. Kingston Police
Station, Surrey England.
Lambo is being searched and the rest. Pint of water, Tuna bake,
paper fork, all free.
Twenty minutes earlier he climbed out of a police van (hip
really not good- tramadol in pocket) after being arrested for … Please be
patient.
The story begins on 0930hr Wednesday, my mystery girlfriend [MG]
collected me from the Crow’s Nest in shiny clean VW Golf. She put me on the insurance, a massive £8.33 for
12 months, as we are both with LV. And
so, there I was behind the wheel of this lovely shiny Golf instead
of my trusty old rickety Saab that is falling apart and booked in for an MOT
next Tuesday. Just bought some silver (same colour) Gorilla tape from B&Q to hold
it together and cover the holes.
I decided to invite MG to the flat in London (Sheila's old flat,
hope she approves) and asked her to check out the Albert Hall - I really love the swivelling seats, they
actually rotate 360° - and there we were, 24 hours later, watching Gregory Porter with his jazz band and string orchestra
A lovely evening, 20 minute drive back to the flat with its gated parking and manicured gardens.
A good sleep, breakfast and work was followed by lunch at the Tide Tables Café on
the riverbank. MG dropped me off at the flat, as off shopping to John Lewis
Kingston.
The flat is on the third
floor so dodgy hip means grin and just do it. As Lambo puffing and panting reaches step 48 he sees three men, one of which is trying to enter the flat. He calls the police. His heart rate goes like this; thank fuck for all the hours in the gym last two years.
Four hours later…
My cell in Kingston Police Station was rectangular 14ft high walls,
painted ceiling with words ‘Criminals are now caught using our water based UV
safeguarding system” What does that mean I thought?
After being searched, everything removed except socks jeans and
top I was asked to enter a room, size of a table tennis table, stand on big
foot prints (4 lots) and move clockwise from one to the other while some purple disco lights show white bits on
you, clothes, hair, anywhere, if you have come into contact with “stolen goods”
cos all goods are now sprayed with magic dust from Safeguarding (tm). Really? And other
crime don’t pay messages. A stainless solid steel loo, no seat or paper. A shiny concrete 2ft wide shelf with a blue, four inch deep, plastic cover. A similar plastic cover but pillow sized and a wool blanket to finish my new abode. A dodgy hip, concrete bed, sweaty plastic and lights like Wembley Stadium made it feel just perfect. I practiced my Om Meditation, flat on back knees bent resting on shiny wall. I pulled the blanket over my eyes but it got very sweaty.
One good bit of having my fingerprints taken (apart from out of my cell) at 1130pm was, said
lovely lass on computer, ‘at least your here before the drunks,' just after
asking me; ‘when did you last drink alcohol?’ ‘Saturday 9th December, fab bar in
Dorchester, the Convivial Rabbit, six days ago’ my reply.
'Do you take any none prescriptions drugs', next question. I
corrected her as she was meant to say ‘any other non prescription drugs’. I do like the odd joint my reply.
‘Would you like a duty solicitor’ I hear from a tall man behind
me?
‘Oh yes please' my reply’
Then …
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