Baclofen Part 1. Fake it till you make it.

Friday 2nd October 2020. Sherborne Dorset England.

Day 32 alcohol free.

I have a shaking throughout my body, free floating anxiety no less. Panic attacks, three this week, whole day in bed last Saturday as the depression was full on. Fluoxetine prescribed by doctor. Sunday forced myself to walk to Sheila’s headstone and ashes. We had a long chat about anxiety, life death and the universe. She told me, ‘shit happens, pull yourself together and fake it till you make it’, and she was gone.

Building works started Monday, my trusty builder Brian, along with Dave, an old mate, to make tea, bacon sarnies and fill wheelbarrows. The faking is hard but someone has to put a 4x4” post in a hole (Brian on mini digger), fill with water, bag PostCrete, more water and then stand with a level, holding the post, till it sets. Then fill the hole in with shingle and then…. Repeat the process 12 times. Dave on bacon sarnies and caffeine duty. By mid-afternoon, endorphins flowing and life’s good, no faking.  Three baclofen at 3 and same at 6pm. Three pints apple juice, half water. By 5.30pm wrecked so planned early supper, CBD (Black Domina) mix, bath and early bed. Until!  I remembered my 6.30 yoga class, in the village hall and would have lost my place with a no show. It was hard, I ached, sweat and saluted the Sun. We lay down at the end, the tears flooded out. I slept well.

Tuesday, alarm 0730, aching and sluggish. Fake it all morning, more posts and concrete and bacon sarnie does the trick, until …. I see a newly sharpened axe and imagine all the heads I could chop off with it! An anxiety attack is the ego at its best, balconies, bridges, knives all flash into my delicate psyche. I pick up the axe, run to the stores and hide it at the back. At that point the ego had won and the faking stopped, just has the heavens opened. Shit, I am meant to be driving a tractor, my trusty John Deere garden jobby- 3K on ebay, and waiting, in the rain, for the digger to fill the bucket off the rear with shingle, clay and rocks. In a mad moment I had purchased £600 worth of landscaping bushes for £60 from Yeovil garden centre, twenty-two of them, 90% off.  The newly laid, in May, drive needed a hole per plant, the waste removed and loaded into the bucket. I drove the tractor, often with front wheels in air, if overloaded and a three point turn later I am reversing into corner of drive, off tractor, pins out of gate, push handle whilst bum against bucket and it half empties, rock stuck, so try again. Once done, pins back, bucket, very important to keep back straight, pulled into clips. Back, now bloody aching, onboard and refilled many times, pissing it down throughout. Wow that was fun and anxiety gone. Three (baclofen) at 3 and same at 6. Apple juice, curry, music, CBD and bed.

Wednesday, alarm 0730. Waitrose for Vape juice, coffee, milk and sugar for the lads. Playing with timber day, decking frame built around my 32 x 12 static home and knees screaming from kneeling and screwing, not that sort silly, planks to the frame. Heavens open and into Studio (Sheila’s unfinished cave) to fit locks. Wow, I had completely forgotten to fake my day, all good. Three baclofen at 3 and same at 6. Made a fire, smooth jazz and CBD for the aches and pain.

Thursday, sunny, bright but heavy rain forecast Friday along with return of digger. More holes, more fenceposts, water, concrete and tractor removing the spoil. Long day, bacon sarnies work a treat, ended in front of the fire with a lovely THC/CBD mix as Friday rained off.

Did you know Holland & Barrett made record profits in 2018 selling CBD?

Today sore and aching. Fire at lunchtime, laptop out and remembered I need to write a blog about Baclofen. 

I started baclofen, this time, on the 25th August, two at 2, 4 and 6 pm. I continued drinking alcohol, 3-5 pints but my first drink was later each day. However, my drinking continued later into the evening, beyond nine. Some of you will be surprised by combining the two rather than stopping alcohol first. Baclofen is processed in the Kidney, alcohol the liver, so even folk with liver problems can take it. As my drinking moved later I moved my baclofen to later and changed the dose to, four at 4pm and four at 7pm. 

Monday 31st August, six bottles of San Miguel are all that is left before judgement day, September 1st. I only drank five of them, had a cup of tea instead. Game on, today is day 32. 

In Part 2, there is no alcohol to mask the pain, soothe the anxiety, dull the senses or send me to sleep. The real work is about to begin.

Have a good weekend.