My daughter Emily
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It is very strange sitting with Sheila Gibbons as her time nears. Sheila is in no pain. Bloody stubborn as ever, gulping down water (you try stopping her!) and then being sick a few minutes later. Refusing Cyclazine and steroids again. She was sick 30 minutes ago. Holding a weak yet strong Sheila is heartbreaking and the tears are never far.
This afternoon I lay with her, she was 'dead to the world'.
My emotions, thinking of how much I miss my daughter and wish she was here, overcame me. I sobbed gently, head in pillow so not to disturb Sheila. I heard a gentle zip sound, a hand appeared with a tissue. The goddess then held my hand as my tears exploded. Same as they are doing now...
I had some time out tonight. Jennie Lewin holding the fort.
I went to a writing group Tiggy Hayes no less. Just fab, funny and much learning. I had to write something about Murder and the Orient Express and read it to the group. Very cathartic but also left me energised at 0049.
I have witnessed my sister dying and now my goddess. Mandy was wired to machines, Morphine and the rest.
Sheila is truly at peace with no pain. Om to all those who helped her on her spiritual journey as today, she sits at peace with the world.
On a personal level, folk keep asking 'how are you Colin' I say, 'keeping busy, as I have always done'. Men are conditioned to be strong and upright from an early age. In the words of Maxi Jazz; 'just below my skin I'm screaming', fits well.
I also feel as if I am dying alongside Sheila, I am on one level. She was abused by her dad, yet they met and forgiveness happened, before he died.
I have never abused anyone, except myself. Will someone please tell my daughter Emily; her dad needs a cuddle.
Got to stop cos can't stop crying .....
x
It is very strange sitting with Sheila Gibbons as her time nears. Sheila is in no pain. Bloody stubborn as ever, gulping down water (you try stopping her!) and then being sick a few minutes later. Refusing Cyclazine and steroids again. She was sick 30 minutes ago. Holding a weak yet strong Sheila is heartbreaking and the tears are never far.
This afternoon I lay with her, she was 'dead to the world'.
My emotions, thinking of how much I miss my daughter and wish she was here, overcame me. I sobbed gently, head in pillow so not to disturb Sheila. I heard a gentle zip sound, a hand appeared with a tissue. The goddess then held my hand as my tears exploded. Same as they are doing now...
I had some time out tonight. Jennie Lewin holding the fort.
I went to a writing group Tiggy Hayes no less. Just fab, funny and much learning. I had to write something about Murder and the Orient Express and read it to the group. Very cathartic but also left me energised at 0049.
I have witnessed my sister dying and now my goddess. Mandy was wired to machines, Morphine and the rest.
Sheila is truly at peace with no pain. Om to all those who helped her on her spiritual journey as today, she sits at peace with the world.
On a personal level, folk keep asking 'how are you Colin' I say, 'keeping busy, as I have always done'. Men are conditioned to be strong and upright from an early age. In the words of Maxi Jazz; 'just below my skin I'm screaming', fits well.
I also feel as if I am dying alongside Sheila, I am on one level. She was abused by her dad, yet they met and forgiveness happened, before he died.
I have never abused anyone, except myself. Will someone please tell my daughter Emily; her dad needs a cuddle.
Got to stop cos can't stop crying .....
x
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