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Chapter 27. Trance Dance - Visualistion - Crystal Palace

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Crystal Palace 1967 Thursday 4 th December 2025 . I wrote some important emails this morning, booked a holiday and went to the gym for two hours, a record. I use the ski trainer, pull two handles together and pretend your skiing, or as Lambo uses it, pull the handles alternatively, with his back to the machine, sporting his new headphones with Paul VanDyke trance music playing at 140 bpm. He thinks he is on the dance floor, looks silly but I can’t help but love him. After all, he is the left eye, I am the right and it would be madness to fight. We come as one. After half an hour,  his second wind arrives, the pain subsides and Lambo is in the zone with eyes closed. His feet bounce ever so slightly off the floor. He visualises he is coming off the bend in the 200m final those 57 years ago when he was known as Slam (junior). Lets go back in time. Crystal Palace Athletics Stadium August 1967 Crystal Palace is an area in south London, England, named after the Crystal Palace Exhibi...
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Chapter 27. Age 20 July 1973 LINPAC Factory Featherstone, West Yorkshire UK

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Age 20  July 1973 LINPAC Factory Featherstone, West Yorkshire UK Bungalow – still Slam at home - cut a very lonely, Lad from Featherstone in the summer of 1973, he had just failed his teaching practice at Loughborough Colleges and was waiting to hear if was game over (thrown out) or given a second chance. He had a summer job at LINPAC factory, cycled there to stay fit, and saved petrol, from his mum and dad’s house, 32 Bedford Close Featherstone. Next to Purston Park so heaven from the age of 14.  He was back sharing a bedroom with brothers Mick & John.  When Lizie – His fiancé of one year- stayed, they used the six-berth touring caravan sat on the drive. He had reunited with Lizie two years earlier in the same house but that’s for later. The LINPACK was a steel frame, 25ft eaves, metal clad, factory/warehouse full of highly flammable cardboard. It was a cutting and printing factory which took raw (8' x 4') sheets of cardboard, through giant printing machines whilst ...
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Chapter 26. 'Look on every exit as being an entrance somewhere else'. (Tom Stoppard 1937 - 2025) . Exit Slam enter Bungalow.

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Sunday 30th November. My phone would have rung at 4am had it been on. Dad had fallen and I'm delighted to say his care plan kicked in and did its job. At dad's now, sat at his computer. Tom Stoppard died yesterday. One of his immortal lines from Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead states, ‘Look on every exit as being an entrance somewhere else’. Time for Slam to  exit Yorkshire and enter the Loughborough Towers with a soon to be aquired new nickname of Bungalow.  The Towers Loughborough hall of residence. 1972-75 At the age of 16, Slam (first nickname) received (here somewhere) a letter to sign up for the mighty Wigan Rugby League team. Having tasted another life – London, England U15 rugby & athletics Slam wanted more, so his dad politely replied saying we were going to put education first. His plan was to spend 3 years at college, qualify as a schoolteacher, marry Lizie his fiancé, sign for Leeds Rugby League Club and teach PE in a school nearby.  He would see out...
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Chapter 25. Royal Bath Hotel Bournmouth - Fire Death Robery Stabbing - Mum and Dad

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Hi Colin here,  Saturday 29th November 2025 and another fine day in wet and chilly (had some very hot ones last night) paradise called Bridlington East Yorkshire. I started the day with blank page. I let my mind wonder,,, Coercion ‘involves compelling a party to act in an involuntary manner…’ [Wiki]  Is what follows an  example of coercive control or loving kindness? The margins are fine so please be patient. I spoke with my mum on the phone four weeks ago, lovely chat and great to catch up. She mentioned going on a coach trip to Bournemouth and staying at the Royal Bath Hotel where Sheila and I had stayed with her and dad. We chatted for 20 minutes, can't stop mum once she starts; who she was paying rent to, who managed her finances and especially aware she need to be careful with money. Her last words were ‘I love you’. Her phone number has since been changed. Could that be coercion? Or fear perhaps. There is more to come but please be patient. Royal Bath Hotel Bournemo...
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Chapter 24. Anxiety part 4. Cunards Queen Victoria - My Sister is born

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Friday 28th November 2025 . Sat in bed, laptop on top of duvet. My entire body aches; abs, glutes, lats, quads and calf's, as  I've made it to the gym  three out of four days and on my to-do list today. Each day I vary the exercises, yesterday the spinning bike, only 20 mins, but for the first time in months. No standing and max 88 rpm with load 8 max. Cycling over the summer had inflamed my bursitis -left side, same as hip replacement, it still aches - and paid for a cortisone injection six weeks ago. Meanwhile back to our anxiety story. Just to remind you I am the anxious, shy Colin (yin) and Lambo (yang) is the Lad from Featherstone better known as bungalow -now’t up top- in his first year at Loughborough, where he has just failed his teaching practice.  I was very uneducated, my obsession with rugby consumed me. Back to Loughborough next week.  For now, both Colin and Lambo’s  thoughts are centred on anxiety and how it has shaped  life from the age ...
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Chapter 23. Anxiety part 3. A friend in need is a friend indeed. Be gamble aware.

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Thursday 27th November, no gym today yet. Its packed already and I love making excuses. Contacted Adult Social Care Wakefield today to register my mum as a vulnerable adult. My brother has changed her phone numer following my call four weeks ago. I constantly kick myself for mucking up the recording. In addition, since my brother John's conversation with dad, he sits in his chair by the window and cries himself to sleep. What my brother has done is cruel and wrong. Meanwhile back in the Summer of 2020 - end of the first lockdown -Lambo is recovering from his slipped disk and a friend is about to arrive to lift his anxiety and depression. Lambo 2020 A friend in need is a friend indeed. A friend with weed is better.   Monday 20th July 2020, Grove medical practice Sherborne Dorset .doctor’s surgery 0940.    If you missed part 2 click here. The slipped disk in the last chapter has eased but the knee and shoulder are a constant reminder of the dark side of rugby. ‘Colin Lamber...
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Chapter 22. Mens sexual health: Anxiety Part 2

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My Anxiety continues.  Hard not to Love her still. Lambo is my Alter Ego, my twin, my Yang energy.   When not driving me insane, he is lovable and fun. Yesterday he shared his introduction to anxiety story and agreed to chat again today. This morning we attended a 'How to be a trustee'   course run by Wakefield local authority. One attendee worked in schools teaching sex education. I sent her this e-mail: As mentioned I have a particular interest in men's sexual health and the damage done from poor education in the 1950's, 60's and beyond. I was a victim of abuse at age 9 and it took me fifteen years before I shared it. Is there a male member of your team who could spare me an hour to discuss how sex education has changed since my childhood? I am also interested in how this relates to the shockingly high number of suicides in men. I have provided a link to my blog below, as men's health is a theme running through my posts. Kind regards I  will keep...
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